if you like me you must not know who I am
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
3 2 1 whiskey
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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