im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
