So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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