You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize