You're my little dorito
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
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im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
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Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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