Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well I just put wine in my tea
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
