Where are you?
In a non slutty way
im six kinds of drunk right now
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
How external is "for external use only"?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
