the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
