Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
