I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
