When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
