A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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