I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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