Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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