yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
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then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
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I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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