you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
