Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
They took my balls.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
