Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
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I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
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im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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