So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
