I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
