It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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