it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
