Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize