You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
