so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
