this just has baby written all over it
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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