2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
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it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
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I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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