that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm too high and old for this...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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