drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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