And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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