I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
