I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
