it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
