Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize