Jerry, you need to find god
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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