you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
this will be a night to untag.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
