Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
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We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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