I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
