So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
