I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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