I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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