I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
