I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
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She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
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How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize