A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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