a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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