First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
