just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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