so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
