I will die if light touches me.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
