Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
