ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
