Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
