You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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