this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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