what day is it and did you see me today?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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