dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
