Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
