so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Randomize
