i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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