and my herpes radar will keep us safe
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
