I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
