So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
