I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
