Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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